My Unpopular (Secretly Popular) Opinion About Teenage Girls

Let's be honest

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In high school and even in junior high, there’s always at least one guy or girl who look like adults.

A guy named Scott was six feet tall by the time he was 14 and had a five o’clock shadow by noon.

There was a girl who was mistaken as a teacher all the time when we were Freshmen in high school. She was dating a 25 year old guy who dropped her off at school because he too thought that she was a teacher, and she was and still is hot as hell.

By Junior year, there were at least a dozen girls in my grade—and more a year younger or older—who looked like fully grown sexy women, and most of them knew it. They had guys—including some of the male teachers—completely wrapped around their fingers.

I had a 15 year old girlfriend when I was 15, and god do I miss her. She was a 5’10” blonde who was fully developed, and to this day, I have no idea why she decided to spend a summer with me. She could have been dating an adult with a car and an apartment like some of our other female classmates.

The young guys—like most guys—who looked like adults were still disgusting, oblivious, idiots. Honestly, most of us still are. Even if they were handsome, and most of them weren’t, it’s difficult seeing a woman look past the Cheetos dust on their fingers and pants and their other repulsive habits.

The girls were more self-aware, dressed well, handled themselves maturely, and knew the power they had over men and boys.

I was friends with the girl who started dating a man when she was in junior high. I asked her if she would go out with me and she laughed and said that I was a boy, and she was a woman. She’d look like a child molester. I told her we were the same age and she said technically, yes, but look at me and look at you. At best, people might think I was your babysitter.

In math and science I skipped one or two grades, but I almost flunked social studies my Junior year because the three hottest girls in my grade were all in my class sitting right next to each other. They wore short tight skirts and flattering tops—they looked like sexy business women—and I couldn’t stop staring at them. Since they were right next to each other, I could tilt my head to imagine what one would look like with the other’s breasts or legs. They were all perfect as they were, but teenage boys are perpetually horny perverts.

I see girls like this all the time in the city. Tonight, I saw a bombshell I thought was an adult. I didn’t realize she was probably around 15 until her friends came out of the bodega, and they all still looked like kids.

Some of these girls have lied about their age and given me a shot as an adult, and even if they were technically adults and ridiculously attractive, I could never pull the trigger. I’d be in a stupor looking at them, and they spoke intelligently, but they’d inevitably do something like ask me if I wanted to watch The Lego Movie, and a voice inside of me would tell me I just can’t do this, or that a 40 year old man hooking up with a 22 year old girl just felt wrong, and 22 is a lot younger now than it was when I was that age.

God do I hate that voice, and honestly, I regret not going for it all the time. I was 22 once and had sex with girls in their young 20s, and it was wonderful.

The few girlfriends I had in high school—one was an 18 year old homecoming queen and I was 16—god do I miss them now.

The two major girlfriends I had as an adult both lost their virginity early (at 12 and 14), and one—we were both in our early twenties and I was just one year older than her—saw a story on the news with me about a high school teacher who fucked one of his students. They showed a picture of her and she said “Jesus Christ. I would have fucked her, too. Look at her! God I miss being 16. Everything was so high and tight.” I told her that it still was and she said “But you should have seen me at 16. I’ll never look that good again.”

The other girlfriend was shorter and slimmer. She lost her virginity at 12 to a guy who was twenty. I was horrified until she showed me a picture of herself at 12. “See? I look almost exactly the same.” We were both 21, and the only real difference was how she dressed and that her hair was longer. She was seductive and knew it and leaned in and asked me “Would you have been able to say no? Especially if I told you I was 18?” I told her she was evil and she laughed and said “That’s why you like you me.”

Life is harsh and miserable, and teenage girls are wonderful. The most major regret of my life—aside from not being able to convince my parents to invest in Apple (I was a math savant in high school. I got one math question wrong on the SAT)—is not chasing more girls in high school, college, and life in general.

There was one guy in high school who was pretty short and skinny and not very good looking, but he was always hooking up with sexy girls. I saw him in a McDonald’s once and he hit on a cute girl in front of him and was shot down, then immediately hit on the cute girl behind him and also struck out, but wasn’t fazed at all. I asked him how he kept landing beautiful girlfriends, and he said you just keep on going.

“I might strike out with 20 girls in a day, but eventually, you find one who’s willing to give you a chance, or manage to turn one around. You’re a good looking guy, but you’re too afraid of rejection. Don’t take it personally or let it hurt you. Just grow some balls and keep on going, and you’ll get better at it. Either that or you can stay in your basement playing video games and jerking off.”

I grew up in a small town and we all kind of knew each other, but there were girls from different towns who came in for basketball games or other bullshit, and at least one of the girls who turned him down eventually started going out with him, and looking at them, you’d wonder how it was possible. She was taller than him and absolutely gorgeous, but I guess he proved his point. He never gave up, and he improved.

There was one other guy like that in high school, and you might be tempted to call them douche bags, but to me, it seemed like they just loved girls. This guy had been hanging out with girls as much as possible since elementary school, and he ended up landing the girl most parents mistook for a teacher.

I already know I’m a pervert, but at least I’m an honest one, and I think we’ve swung too far, or over-corrected. I don’t think it’s right for a 20 year old to fuck a 12 year old no matter what she looks like, even if she’s already much smarter and mature than he is, but I think we should acknowledge that there are some young girls who look and act like grown women and lie about their age before we throw some guy to the wolves.

You aren’t a pedophile if you fuck a 14 year old guy or girl who looks like an adult. Technically and legally, you’re a hebephile if you want to fuck someone in early adolescence who doesn’t “look” like an adult, and there’s a of lot grey.

That short 21 year old girlfriend I had could have passed for 14 if she dressed and acted a little differently, and that stayed true at least until we broke up when we were both 26. When I told her she still looked 14, she said “Every guy’s fantasy.”

I’m a little under 5’9,” 150 pounds, and 49, but half-Chinese, and still sometimes get carded at bars and even for cigarettes, which is weird because when I first came to NYC at around 16, nobody carded me for anything.

The question is what exactly makes a person an adult. A 50 year old man with an IQ of 80 can vote, but a 12 year old with an IQ of over 150 can’t? Fucking a 21 year old girlfriend who could pass for 14 is fine, but fucking a 14 year old girl who could pass for 25 makes you a criminal?

You could argue 14 year old kids aren’t emotionally or intellectually mature enough, but I’ve met plenty of people in their forties who are less mature and intelligent.

If someone has the mind of a child or worse, or clearly looks like a child, there’s something wrong with you if want to fuck them.

If an intelligent, mature 14 year old who looks like an adult goes after you, I still think that’s wrong, but more understandable, especially if they lie to you about their age.

Especially if you’re a man—as the legal system is much harsher on men—if in doubt, card them, or just walk away, no matter how difficult that might be.

The best sex for me came in my twenties with girls in their twenties, but that might have been different—or even better—if I’d had more practice.

If you’re a teenage male and you’re lonely, follow the advice of my friend. Be respectful, be cool, and don’t give up.

Fuck as many teenagers as you can while it’s still legal.